Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
— Ogden Nash

If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that’s a full day. That’s a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you’re going to have something special.
— Coach Jim Valvano

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. And then we met.
— Rodney Dangerfield

First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
— Steve Martin

I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized this the other day inside my fort.
— Zach Galifianakis